Hi,
I’m posting this message because I need help. I’m very desperate and I don’t know what to do or where to start to get out of it.
I’m a 35 year old woman, single, jobless and I currently live with my mother because I can’t afford a rent.
The situation I find myself in seems inextricable.
I’ve been suffering from depression and social anxiety for decades, and I feel like I’m in a constant state of mental flight, always in-between or out of place.
I have memory problems and my mind is completely disorganised. I can’t find a job in this state and I now find myself completely incompetent (despite having a very good CV).
My communications skills are also very poor, although I don’t have such difficulties with the written word. If I don’t write down sentences, it’s hard for me to speak clearly and in an articulate way (even one sentence). This mainly because I was often left alone as a child, with no one to talk to, and also later in life.
So I don’t have close friends, only superficial relationships. I can’t maintain a conversation… and often have nothing to say.
Living with my mother is becoming increasingly difficult. I get angry with her because she doesn’t realise what I’m going through. It’s an anger I feel deep down against myself. Her health is not good and she’s also a bit depressive even if she doesn’t show it.
Could you please help me?
I often think about disappearing because this is not a life.
I feel hollow, shapeless, empty, like a house full of holes with no foundations.
Thank you.
PS: I apologize if my text is a bit disjointed or unclear.