Context : That happened when I was 18, it was a period where I felt quite bad, I had cut ties with my friends and I was very very very anxious, to make matters worse I was watching a lot of porn and hentai (but not loli and I insist on this point).
So I was masturbating as usuaI and all of a sudden, I started having flashes, flashes of an anime character that looked like elaine from “the seven deadly sins” but not totally, (I mean it appeared really in the form of “flashes”: it appeared then disappeared it was quite blurry).
At no point did I think whether it was a little girl or not, I also did not make a connection with the anime either, I found it just… weird.
Plus, there was nothing erotic or anything, I just saw this character in my mind and nothing more…
On the moment I asked myself questions, I wondered if what was happening wasn’t a little weird, I even hesitated to stop what I was doing but I continued anyway.
I’m ashamed to say it but it felt almost “good” at the moment, I mean it was something new for me.
Afterwards I was really disturbed and didn’t really realize what had just happened.
I also wanna point out the fact that it happened only once.
Now what should I do ? What should I think of myself? I swear I can’t understand how or why this happened.
Plus, I was never particularly attracted to loli so why tf did this happen ?
I spoke to a therapist about that and he confirmed I wasn’t a p*do or anything but I still can’t understand why this happened