I feel like I was born with the wrong things.
I am guilty and only death can punish me.
My mother was adopted and she was forced into marriage to give birth to me. My father abandoned us after that. I don’t even know his name and his face.I haven’t seen him.
I don’t have any immediate family members in this world except my mother.
I was so naive at first, why did I say that?
Because I am even asking for the love of my only immediate family member.
She vented all her dissatisfaction with him and life on me. When she was unhappy, she would hit and scold me,grandpa didn’t like me either and often beat and scolded me,but only grandma is very friendly to me most of the time.
I’m such an idiot. I hurt my mother so deeply but I still want her love.It was so difficult for her to give birth to and raise me, but I am still so ungrateful.I’m just a burden to her, she can live better without me.It was me who dragged her down.
When I was bullied at school, I didn’t dare to tell my family. My family would only make me reflect on my own problems. I was so envious when I saw other students having their parents supporting them.
I don’t dare to be assertive in interpersonal relationships. I feel like I’m so cheap and I’m born to be inferior. They will only play with me if I get good result them.
I don’t dare to vent when I’m angry, I can only hold it in. I cut myself when I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I felt much better.
Why don’t I die? No one else will care about me if I live.
In my heart, I even wished that someone could heal me. I do not deserve it.I’m sorry to everyone, including you who read this post.
Why do I post it here to spread negative energy to you?