Last year I started at an alternative school with one classroom (I’m freshly 17). We have teacher aids in the class but there’s one young teacher (he’s 21) and works full time. Ever since I came to that school he’s been staring at me constantly. I’ve caught him checking me down, his eyes follow me around when ever I go anywhere, he walks past my desk and stares. Every time im next to or in font of him, even around teachers, he will stare into my soul. I just pretend like I don’t notice although I’ve accidentally caught him a few times and he just looks away.
I gaze at him sometimes because I find him so beautiful (I don’t full death stare him like he does) most of the time I accidentally look in his direction and he sees me and I’m like shit. He would do this yet hardly speak to me, all the others in my class where practically best buddies with him. All he would say is hi sometimes.
This year he’s been having a few conversations, just small talk in the morning and a few jokes during the day. There’s a girl in my class that started probably a month ago. Her desk is next to mine. shes only 15, beautiful and confident and funny. He doesn’t stare at her but he treats her exactly how I wish he would treat me. He greets her first thing in the morning, they have actual conversations and laugh together. I’ve had to get out of my seat and go to the bathroom to calm my jealousy down. It’s pathetic.
I’ve always wanted to tell him how beautiful he is but of course it would be inappropriate. One time he told me I was amazing and a blessing to the class and that I’m loved. I felt over the moon. My heart felt so amazing. Later that day he went ahead and said the exact same sentence to her and at the end, he added that she was beautiful. I had never felt so enraged.
I know I’m being selfish and stupid. It just makes me angry that he still stares at me yet he acts like that. I just want to know why. I just can’t imagine him being a bad person in any way, he so sweet and kind and innocent. Or maybe I’m just biast. I can’t stop thinking about him every second it hurts.