I was probably abused when I was around 9, even though I only have vague memories of it or maybe I just made the whole thing up in my head. Plus I have been sexually active (as in porn and masturbation) around the time I was 9. And I had a pretty messed up relationship during my teens so I would say my sexual health is pretty bad.
I’ve always had a rape/taken advantage of kink, which developed into being older men and stuff like that. But I can never imagine myself in sex, instead I imagine myself as someone younger/girls my age who I think is pretty. (Yes I also have an insecurity problem)
I guess I always had this mindset that pedos are old men and I just turned 18 and is female. But I just realized that I litterally imagine myself as a little girl doing things and I’m feeling a lot of shame and guilt. So idk what to do. I’m not attracted to little girls at all, I just somehow want to be one when it comes to sex.
what should I do? Am I really a fricking pedo? I feel like I’m going crazy.