I’m a 19f with African parents, particularly a mother, who makes it hard for me. I’m not allowed to date or have friends I live my life differently from people my age completely isolating. I’m not saying I want to go out there and have sex because that’s the first thing that comes to her mind when I tell her that I wish she’d let me socialize more. But I also feel like it’s too late for that because now, even if she were to let me socialize, I don’t even know how to. I don’t even know where I’d start from. My life is limited to school, the grocery store, church and home it’s like a simulation.
We don’t even do any fun activities as a family. Every day, 24/7, at home, staring at those beige walls drives me insane. I’ve had lots of off thoughts not just because she doesn’t let me socialize, but mostly
because my life is the same routine every single day – wake up, eat, bed, sleep. Idk what I’m living for. There’s nothing interesting or entertaining in my life. The only form of entertainment I have is my phone, and she knows that and uses it as a weapon against me since she bought it. Sometimes she takes it away from me.
Because of this, I have a hard time socializing. To the point where even if she were to give me freedom, I don’t even think I want it anymore because I wouldn’t even know how I’d use or where to start. I’m so used to rotting in my bed, rotting in my house. It has made me so lazy. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to do anything. I used go to school in person but because of everything, I decided to start taking my classes online and staying at home because I don’t like going outside anymore.
I can’t wait to move out but I highly doubt she’ll let me if l wanted to. She is so in control of my life. It’s so draining. I always try my best to follow her rules mostly because she’s my mom and also because I want to make her happy but sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it will
never be enough. I’m a whore a terrible daughter regardless of me being a virgin. Sometimes, I do understand how mothers do not want their children to grow older, but I also feel trapped.
How am I 19 years old and you still want to keep buying me panties? And since I didn’t like the ones you picked for me, I want something different, more adult-like.
You get mad at me for being a I’m I being bitch and don’t know how to appreciate my mom being nice to me. And that she really knows best and I’m still too young to realize it yet.
I really don’t want to end up like my mother I love her dearly but her lifestyle if so depressing I js hope when I’m in my 20s she’ll probably start to see me differently