I’ve been off work on and off for the last few months. I initially was off a week after a got my wisdom teeth out and ended up taking another 2 weeks off on mental health. I went back to work for 2.5 weeks and again went home sick (had gastro) but again I fell into the cycle of poor mental health and I’ve been off for about 4-5 weeks now. I’m at a point where I can’t afford any more time off but I’m struggling so bad with anxiety and panic attacks at the thought of going to work.
Part of it I also feel extreme guilt for my husband as he’s been supporting us both and I feel like an absolute failure for not being able to contribute to finances. And I start having bad thoughts that he’d be better off leaving me for someone better etc. I have had thoughts of hurting myself but never followed through ever because I’m too scared too.
I’m at a point where I need to go to work but I just can’t bring myself to. I just had one of the worst panic attacks, and vented all of my feelings to my husband. And while he comforted me and said he’d never leave me etc he was like we really need some money soon. Which I totally understand and he’s been so supportive of me the last few weeks but it’s just so hard to go back to a job I hate.
I’ve also been applying to so many jobs and just been rejected for everything. Barely any interviews from 100s of applications. And out of the like 5 interview I’ve been to I’ve been rejected from every one. So this has added to my anxiety.
How do I combat this, I work in childcare and I’d love to try to go back but I literally fear having a panic attack in front of everyone or start vomiting from the anxiety 😥 I don’t want to embarrass my self in front of everyone because I can’t just leave to go have a moment, and leave the other staff under ratio for god knows how long while I sort myself out.
I feel so defeated 😞 any support or advice would be amazing. Even just someone to talk to would be great.