i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for probably about four years now.
something that i have recently started to come to terms with is the feeling that happiness is temporary. to me happiness and love doent exist, its just a momentary feeling, or a distraction from my true feelings. i am constantly depressed, and the only thing that can solve it are momentary solutions, like being with friends or listening to music. no matter how much i do that it never works, because at the end of the day, when i have to sit quietly or when no ones around me, i think of how i dont really have anything to loose.
i know my friends will miss me and i know my family will too, but i have a deep feeling that ive achieved what i want to achieve and my mission is over.
its hard because i know this feeling wont go away. it doesnt get better really.
i know i will never get better because ive been this way for years on end. and its torture.