I know this topic probably comes up a lot on this subreddit but we’re all different and have different ways so i’m hoping somebody can relate. I genuinely don’t know if i’m actually normal in the head or not because these last 4 months ish have been the roughest time of my life and it’s not like there’s major trauma or changes that’s happened to me. I constantly feel alone in my life despite having a gf, friends and family around me but when I want to talk to somebody about this serious topic of mine the thought of it makes me cringe and want to shutdown even though I grew up in the most loving environment with plenty of support. I feel like I can’t even live up to my own standards in life at all but I don’t even know what my standards should be. I really don’t wanna blame this on my gf at all but these last few months being with her has been tough with the arguing, broken up twice because of it, feels toxic and it never used to be like that, i feel as if there’s a part of her I don’t exactly know about either and I know your thinking “you maybe should break up” but we genuinely do love eachother and hated that thought of us not talking anymore from both sides. Don’t get me wrong there’s good times obviously but recently it feels more as if there’s more bad days than good and I want to fix it but it’s hard when I can’t tell if i’m overthinking it or making a good choice talking about things. She has genuinely kinda twisted how I think about life and such a bit more but realistically when I look at it it’s better than the way I think now so am I immature mentally or is she matured now? I also can’t understand if I had high expectations about relationships or if I was being unrealistic. Moving on from that I kinda also feel i’m in 3rd person (like being able to predict the future) about something and when that actually happens all I can think about is when I first had that thought. I am genuinely confused 24/7 about what I should do in life moving forward and what I should do now too. I’m sorry if this came off as more of a rant than anything but I simply cannot do this anymore at all without getting it off my shoulders because i’m seriously not mentally prepared for anything right now and I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel like a normal person in life. Thank you if you’ve read this I am grateful 🙂
