As a kid, maybe 4 or 5, I lashed out one day and basically tried to leave home. I packed a suitcase full of pajamas and clothes and walked out of the front door. One of siblings, laughing because my whole family found it funny, said "Alright, bye." and shut the door in my face. I didn't make it to the gate before I started crying and hugging my mother, sobbing apologies.
This moment may have affected me deeper than I thought. When I try and find the source of my fears of failure, my irrational fears of abandonment, I can find no memory earlier than this. From then on and to this day, I was submissive, overly apologetic, unchanging.
I have therapy soon so I'm just looking for some affirmation before I bring it up. Could this be the source of my issues? Could I become a better person if I confront this and heal from it?