Maybe I am just a piece of shit after all. Accepting it makes things easier, now I know what to expect from myself. I met her 18 months ago during one of the hardest times in my life so far. I was battling a felony case (first time), coming home from living abroad, dealing with heartbreak from my ex still, broke, living in a shed off grid, unemployed and then had a major death in the family. Somehow she didn't care. She stayed with me and loved on me. I continued to sleep with another girl during the first few weeks we were dating. I passed an STD to her. When I came clean and told her the truth she was devastated and never got over it. More than a year later she holds it over my head daily. I don't know why she didn't just dump me. After all I am a piece of shit.
Things got better, I beat the court case, got a job and some money saved, bought a house for us, Still she could not let it go that I was seeing another woman when we met. It ate at her and it would arise in the evenings when I desperately needed to un wind and relax. I started smoking pot again which she can't stand. But it's my house and I don't make her pay a dime to live here or make her clean or cook or do anything. She doesn't get to tell me what I can and can't do in my home.
She loves me unfathomably. She shows no interest in other men and has been fiercely loyal this whole time. Something my cheating EX was not. Yet I can't deal with the nagging, being told I am a pig, whore, used up, dirty, and that I will never have a loyal woman again besides her. Its gotten to be too much. I sent her home to her mothers house and have really enjoyed having sovereignty over my space. I think I might be borderline sociopath because I dont feel much right now. Usually it takes me a long time to process things though. She will be moved on with a new guy in the next three months and I will just be starting to process my emotions and probably regret my decision. But I am really doing her a favor. After all, I am a piece of shit.