I have made my whole life philosophy about killing myself and have obsessed over the comfort of it for years now. It started in school when I always had trouble conversing with people and had a hard time to be social because it ended up backfiring on me whenever I tried. That social anxiety led me to believe in suicidal thoughts which have been looping around every aspect of my life since. It's been seven years since then and I'm just mentally a mess. I just imagine me being dead whenever anything bad happens. It brings me a lot of comfort to think that I can kill myself anytime but it also gives me more fear when I realise how comfortable I am with thinking like thos and how comfortable I am with the thought of suicide. This Paranoia has been killing me for years as I am getting more and more comfortable with this comfort and I might kill myself in the future.
