A couple days ago, I played Mario Party Superstars with a cousin of mine, and I couldn't help but get this weird feeling within me. It felt like such a nostalgic feeling, with a sense of familiarity. For some reason when a certain minigame from the game would be chosen, my mind would try put an image into my mind, but it couldn't, I honestly don't know if i explained this correctly, but it made me feel extremely emotional and reminiscent.
For the past few days I have been searching the whole entire internet for a 3ds, with no luck. My family took notice to this and have been wondering why, and to be honest I didn't realize why until today. I realized that the whole reason for this sudden need for a 3ds is because I want to feel that way again, as I did when I was a child. Unconsciously, the child within me has been searching for a way to live again before I get too old. I'm not that old, but for some reason it feels like I am. Every time I think about not being able to get my hands on a 3ds, something inside me gets so emotional for some reason. For the longest time, I have been scared of growing up, ever since I was about 7-8 years old, and I am growing up, I graduate next year and after that, its adulthood, which is probably why my inner child wants to desperately hold on to those memories.
Truly, every time I think of my 3ds, I get filled with a nostalgic and emotional feeling, which is really intense. The memories I remember are very vivid, but I feel at home. Me and my cousins would always play sitting next to each other since we couldn't join one another, sometimes I'd hide in a place where no one could find me and play my 3ds for hours on end. At this age my uncle (22 at the time) would physically abuse me, but when I'd get away I would hide in my spot and play, because it was the only thing that would make me feel better, it was honestly all I had. My grandparents would always be gone most of the time, my papa would be gone for long periods of time due to his job, and my mama would work 8-5, which left me alone most of the time, only once or twice a week my uncle would babysit me, which wasn't really the best idea, but no one knew. During those days it was just me and my 3ds against the world, I'd play Pokemon Sun which I can remember so well, I would also play Super Mario, and Mario Party. I remember sitting on the couch gambling with Luigi, which is a memory that always makes me smile.
Honestly, when you're younger, you don't realize how fast your childhood can change and how fast it could be taken, in quite literally a blink of an eye. Then when you're older, you can't help but miss it and want to relive it. I feel so much grief for my childhood in a way, I wish I never took it for granted, I never knew how fast it could go. I was 6-7 then and I'm way older now, and still I miss it with all of my heart. I would do anything to be able to be 6-7 again, but sadly, it's not possible.
I know its very unhealthy to constantly be hung up on the past and wish you could relive it once again, but it has hit me so hard with this realization. Thank you for reading.