i always took in life what seemed to be the right decisions. and still somehow, things never went the way they should.
i feel like i could ve had a good life, i could ve been someone to be proud of (or at least way better than i am today) but i aint, no matter how hard i try.
my mind is messed up, my body is ugly and my life feels like a mess.
and that makes me feel so remorseful :
- i regret letting everyone step on me and abuse me in my childhood and teenage years to the point of developping a lifelong mental illness ;
- i regret being so depressed in my teenage years that i didnt brush my teeth for years and now they re all messed up and ugly or d€ad.
- i regret not taking more care of my body and looking… that way.
and i know i shouldnt be feeling remorseful about all those things, that it wast my fault (or at least not totally), and that i should move on,
and that after all it isnt THAT BAD and i can always fix it… but something CANT be recovered or fixed again.
once it s gone it gone.
i cant recover the things i ve never had, the opportunities i ve missed and that WONT EVER come back and that makes my heart break in thousands of shreds.
i wish i had someone wise old and kind to comfort me. to talk to me and hug me while watching TV. this feeling of emotional neglect makes the pain even worse.
"I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God, but the sky is empty."