For many years I've always had a fear of chronic diseases, having the realization that once you have a certain chronic disease and feeling despair once you see an information that says "no cure" "managable by treatment" it always makes me feel so regretful about putting my body into certain bad habits that led to such problems, most problematic which are not treating my mental disorders (because I feel bad that I have to spend so much money on therapy) which caused a lot of mental health problems, and most importantly my weight which caused a lot of nerve problems and having the realization that if I lost weight most of the damage has been done. Loose skin, damaged bones and whatever comes with the consequences of having a "big-frame", just the word chronic scares me, feels like once I get these diseases, I get these thoughts that I can never become an extreme athelete, I can never be one of the smartest entrepreneur, always putting myself into thoughts of seeing my maximum potential if it wasn't for these chronic diseases.
But the problem becomes paradoxical, despite the fear of getting a chronic disease, seeing myself (assuming) that I'm close to a possibly chronic disease, I still don't do anything about because I get a mix of "I don't want to get this disorder" and "It's already too late for me" man I feel like I've reached to the epitome of shit life syndrome.