Something I’ve never addressed thru many years of therapy… tho I don’t believe therapy ever worked for me. Believe I have depression anxiety all my life. Bpd too.
I have a memory of my parents fighting on numerous occasions about money. My mother was not financially responsible I think and sister just like her. Both mother and sister viciously abused me mentally emotionally verbally all my life, tho deny it.
Back to parents arguments. My father was angry and told mother that the bills will get paid before she bought anything else…even food. My father worked long hours. Mom was a sahm until I was in middle school. I desperately needed dental work and didn’t get it until teens and only because school insisted. Only fillings, tho. Even tho dad had dental insurance and I needed braces. Again off topic. The arguments they had over money had me convinced I’d be homeless one day. In my mind mother we go live with her mom and unmarried sisters. My brother and sister would live with respective godparents. I would be in my own. I was always the black sheep. My dad had this container for fishing lures/weights/hooks. It was a circle and divided like a pie with clear dividers. I have had dreams all my life of it being my world. I lived in one divider. I could see everyone I knew in the next divider. Everything they did, their whole lives. Yet I was seperate. Didn’t know if they could see me, but I couldn’t get to them or interact with them.
