I (F31) and my family have all had our dysfunctional times. I've worked hard to get myself to a better place in terms of my mental health and mitigating bad patterns before they happen. My family is working on it too. Overall we're all really in a good place.
And then sometimes I see where I'm at as a result of the dysfunctional patterns I didn't recognize when I was younger, and feel like there was some healthy maturing and independence and friendships (I was pretty isolated from any peers from ages 23-27 because I was living in the boonies with my fam for a bit post college to try to save some money) and just… FUN I missed out on in my 20s compared to my peers. I'm just feeling a little discouraged because sometimes I feel way less mature than my age and sometimes I feel like I've prematurely aged. Any tips on how to own your story when you're a little bit embarrassed about how long it took to get off the ground compared to your peers? I don't want to sit here and feel sorry for myself, but I kinda blot those years out of my memory sometimes because I don't like remembering them.
There's a history of ADHD in my family, I don't know if I have it or not but I feel like I've fought through some really tough dysfunctional situations/weird church vibes/dynamics and battle daily to be somewhat "normal" while my peers at work just effortlessly glide through social settings… whereas I have to focus excruciatingly hard to be present, focused, organized, and self-disciplined AND not get distracted by a very harsh inner critic from my Calvinistic background that makes me feel pretty shitty lol.
It drives me crazy because I'm very driven and I know I'm smart but I space out and forget stuff a lot. The noise from the inner critic and the shame about my dysfunctional days don't help. I didn't used to be like that, but the forgetfulness/zoning out happens a lot more than it used to.
I know we all grow at our own paces and I shouldn't compare myself to other people but I'm just feeling a bit discouraged and so sick of caring. I really want to flourish but feel like I'm just barely keeping old patterns at bay on a day-to-day at home (I have one housemate. I live upstairs and she lives downstairs). I feel like if I can master the basics at home, I might be able to focus more at work, regain some self-confidence, and maybe find my old mojo so I can really take life by the horns again. 🙂
Does anyone have any tips for some basic stuff to keep tabs on around the house/doing a self-systems check without it turning into mopey navel-gazing? What about keeping the early-thirties ennui at bay? I have a list from a therapist, I'm just looking for more ideas!