I am a 21 year old college student with has made honors every semester since I started my college journey. Since I’ve started, I feel the need to be a perfectionist when it comes to getting that final grade and anything that puts me lower than an A really gives me anxiety. However, it’s usually always okay in the end since out of my whole experience, I’ve only made an A- and a B, with the rest being solid As.
I know I work really hard in school and I deserve the grades that I do get, so I usually will post the excellent grades I make on my social media for family to see and for it to always be there as a reminder for myself that I did great. I usually end of regretting this as everyone always comments “I’m proud of you” or “congratulations “. You would think these comments would make me smile, but I always get so uncomfortable.
In the past I have struggled with with several mental health issues like major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I also grew up in a home that was very traumatizing and I was often made to think nothing I did was good enough or that my parents expected me to fail.
I wish that I knew what made me feel so weird about getting praise for things Ike grades, getting into an honor society, graduating, etc.. I wish it wouldn’t make me feel so uncomfortable that I feel like I’m starting to experience dissociation.
Anyone else ever experience this? Has anyone ever overcame it? I just want to enjoy my success without feeling so uncomfortable.