since i was little i have felt weird awkward and depressed. I've always struggled with anxiety and insomnia, i start profusely sweating, adrenaline starts pumping, my legs start shaking and i literally get tunnel vision when in public. it takes hours for me to go sleep and its not rare for me stay up for days. i struggle making friends as i feel like I'm just mirroring them which is exhausting. i have been suspected to have adhd or autism by school and family but never got tested
i am dependant on weed, alcohol (i despise alcohol, just drink it so i can sleep when i have no weed), and certain people to make my life bearable and productive. but eventually I run out of weed, get sick of alcohol and relationships end, then I'm back to square 1. I've tried nearly every advice with consistency but nothing works
I've tried to get help before, by getting adhd test applications and going to gp for depression when i was younger, but with the uk mental health services, you have to really fight to get help. I'm making my mum call the gp for me this morning, but I'm scared they're not going to be able to help, as my sister has had horrible abuse from the nhs and was even accused of lying and just trying to get drugs, when trying to get medicated, even though she had multiple documents from different dr's saying she does.
i feel lonely and weird, i cant sleep, and weed makes me feel an ounce of normality. i don't want to have to rely on a drug to feel normal, but nothing else has worked.