My depression has gotten a lot worse this year. I hit a wall a couple of weeks ago and suffered a little breakdown. I say a little breakdown because I have to still work to support myself so I can’t afford to slip all the way, but in hitting my wall, I realize what is missing and how my meds have failed me and how I’ve self sabotaged my progress and how I have manifested my addiction into making bad financial decisions. So I finally made the call to see a psychiatrist M.D. to get my meds adjusted and find out why all of a sudden, my depression is becoming more and more, difficult to manage. I have days where I’m fine but today I was looking forward to grocery shopping and as soon as I walked into the grocery store, a cloud overcame me and all I wanted to do was to run out of that store, but my cart was full of food and I could not leave it there and all of my plans for what I was going to make for dinner and eat the entire week just did not appeal to me and I just wanted to get the hell out of that store. I don’t understand. I love grocery shopping, but I just quickly went to the checkout got what I had and left. I just don’t understand my brain. I don’t know why it does this to me and why it fights me like this. I’m exhausted I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I disappointed. I have nothing to be depressed about.
I’m so hoping that my first session tomorrow is the start of something that will help me pull me back into the light. I am just so exhausted sometimes I don’t know why my brain does this to me.
To all my fellow suffers from this disease, we deal with so much and it’s so exhausting, but we have to fight. Please fight on with me. We will be stronger for it.
