My dad left us when I was young, and my mother, who was very overprotective and sensitive, raised me. I had to become "the man of the house," staying emotionally stable and supportive to prevent her from suffering. I couldn't share my problems with her, so I resorted to lying and figuring things out on my own. I have ADHD, but the structure of school and my mother's economic support helped me manage. By age 18, I became independent and now see her only once or twice a year.
In my 30s, I'm facing an emotional roadblock: a divorce has shaken my life, and I'm struggling to navigate my future. These decisions are overwhelming and paralyzing. I miss talking to my mom, but she's always been discouraging and negative, especially about relationships and marriage, which makes me feel worse.
Reflecting on my upbringing, I realize how her overprotection manifested in various ways:
- Continuously checking on me and interrogating me about my life.
- Telling me to cut people off because "I was better alone."
- Constantly reminding me of dangers and invading my privacy.
- Doing all chores for me and criticizing my attempts.
- Being overly involved in my relationships and solving conflicts for me.
- Discouraging risks and withdrawing support if I attempted anything risky.
- Disconnecting from me when I was in a relationship.
Ironically, she would tell me I was smarter and more special than anyone else. Despite taking my life into my own hands, I still have irrational fears and a voice in my head saying, "You're not supposed to do this," which hinders my executive function. I wish I could be weak and say, "I'm a mess and I just want to cry," but I feel the need to protect everyone else above my own needs.
I want to dig deeper into how this upbringing has conditioned my life and try to grow and re-parent myself. What types of therapy or interventions are recommended to heal and grow from this experience?