Titles pretty self explanatory, but the main issue is I (19m) don’t have a small penis, apparently it’s standard or large depending on who you ask. It’s just constantly gnawing at my bones and I have no clue why, I measure ≈19.5 cm with full blood flow, ≈20.5f I press to the Pubic bone, and ≈13 cm circumference. I am 6’1 and 150 lbs.
Anyways none of that really matters I just wanted to put it out there that i logically know it’s not small, so why does it fuck with me so much? I’ve never received a complaint and of the 7 girls I’ve been with my current is the only one who has had bigger and the only I’ve had trouble “getting there”, however my most recent EX did cheat on me, don’t know details of AP but I figured I toss that out there as well as it definitely fed into my insecurities for a significant period of time to the point that I didn’t want to pursue a relationship for months despite having a want to.
I never had any problems with my size until the last 4 years or so and I did realize it intensified when I was sexually abused by a person in a position of trust. it culminated in the form of zero desire to have sex for about two months which has greatly improved but there are still times when I want sex but don’t have the desire due to my insecurity (if that makes sense) and it’s almost always about feeling unattractive especially in the nethers.
I just want to feel attractive sometimes, I hate that no amount of self/exterior affirmation helps and upon mentioning it to my ex therapist I was brushed off and told it’s just something every guy feels but it really just doesn’t feel right, and I feel like it’s dragging on my relationship. What sparked this? What can I do to help it? I’m just really reaching my wits end with it, I have some many problems that actually matter and I spend at least a few minutes everyday feeling bad about myself and I don’t know how to stop.