They say, go outside and interact with women to see they’re not a monolith and people, but anything that i try to talk that is female turns to shit or just dead boring. Basically can’t have positive experiences with them, not even platonically. Except in professional settings, i can’t do much with them. I’ve observed other guys, but they just seem to do much better or well, when to me it’s like, i’m out there to show you other guys are better.
Basically anything i try to do with women is going to fail. Why bother trying cause they detect incels and basement dweleers and it’s going to fail anyways.
I also have a negative feeling when trying to interact with them, like i’m asking myself, what’s the fucking point? Like a pressure in my chest and an intense feeling in my head, especially after talking to women.
I dropped Andrew tate like or incel like content about 1 years ago but the feeling is still there. Echo chambers are enought bad, real negative life experiences are even worse.
When i’m in a bad mood, i noticed that the feeling is often directed towards women, idk why. I also see men as competitors, expected for the ones in my family, they’re also going to make their own families and be like, my life is with my wife and so and that man and his wife won’t care about me so why the fuck should i care about some couples or a man and a woman who have their lives and families.
At 1 years and a half old, i got left at my grandparents home for 3 weeks and i didn’t react very well, my mother went with another man who also had a son when i was about 2 years old for like 3 months before going back with my bio father again. It was bad her relationship with my bio father but who knows what happened with that man she went with. She used to be strict, neglectfull and abusive, like at 13, she used to hit me with a broom over stupid stuff.
Another belief is that women is a sort of opposite force of nature so fundamentaly different, first thing that differenciate most life forms is their gender. It appeared atleast 1 billion years ago almost as old as life itself. I see it, what’s the opposite of me? Women. Atleast in our species and earth. Basicly, everything one of a specific demographic, especially sex does, it leaves an imprint in it’s history.
Idk why but i also have a feeling that women don’t even care about their kids, that plus their attraction for the chad winners. They can even put stepkids before their own, they have much less problems raising stepkids than man. Probably something rooted in ancient evolution. When a new male mammal animal finds a female with kids, when he’s going to get rid of the kids, the female won’t even honor her kids, she will mate with the new male anyways. That’s another of my beliefs of why women have no honor, morals, ego, selfishness. I don’t like doing selfless or dishonorable stuff like putting other peoples kids before me or my kids like wtf?
Also like 0 female platonic relationship, let alone a romantic relationship, more negative experiences and rejections throughout my life.
Also people says go interact with them but i only reinforce what i believe and my hatred towards them so i’m like, i can’t stand another time.
I did that today aswell but still, negative crap like always.
My social skills are so bad, even compared to other autistics, still the same problem that i just don’t know how to be intresting, don’t know what to say, also can’t talk for very long, cause i run out of things to say very fast, i just blank and appear as weird, creppy, etc… and i believe i can’t improve social skills, character, personality, it’s fucking genetic, (blackpill, heh?) Neuroplasticity is the biggest BS iv’e ever heard, why i didn’t see any progress?
It’s driving me mad up to revenge and violence fantasies. I’ll feel i’ll soon reach my breaking point and have nothing to lose. Also have a fantasie of getting violent if potential partner cheats or so.
I once told my psychologist that i had a negative feelings towards women a few months ago but she made a face and i changed the subject cause it was unconfortable. I feel that i waste my money and time, it’s almost 1 year since i see that psychologist and her advice is just like, control your inner dialogue, like how? Plus what to do againts my huge procrastination problem, when i leave her room, i feel it’s going to get better but no. I can’t practically do anything helpfull or do the cbt work or so.
It seems i have tons of work to do and significant change won’t be overnight. Like i want to see some progress, not always complain online about my problems in hope that some miracle is going to fall on the sky. My brother told me to go to Thailand soon to make life experiences and with women it’s easier there aswell and people are more welcoming, etc… but how long will it take to fix that issue?
What’s the way out as a 30 year old? My brother told me it’s already becoming late. So i’m late in the race and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I have my first gray hair already.