content warning because im not sure if this meets criteria but just to be safe.
im depressed because i really am not good at life, finances career working relationships self care etc
but its not like i have it bad at all. i have more opportunities than a majority of the world possibly even country. i am not in chronic pain, i dont have a REAL physical disability. my family is alive and very much non toxic. i may not have friends or gf but im not shunned or bullied. i am pretty poor and extremely stressed about how tf im going to make money for the rest of my life, but that puts me in the company of about 7 billion people so nothing out of the ordinary lmao
often the only time i really realize this is when i read about someone else who actually has a tough life. oh man i get so ******* guilty. i literally do not understand how people do it. i feel so weak for not wanting to go on when bssically the only real problem i have is having absolutely no —— idea what to do for a career (tbf im mid 20s so i should be)
Most of the time i can break this cycle with exercise and getting sun but it hasnt been working. i feel burnt out socially and work wise even though ive basically mever experienced any hardships whatsoever. it turns into a cycle where i feel bad then i realize i have it good then feel even more bad for not even being able to take advantage of all that ive been giving. it makes me want to give up my spot to someone who actually knows what theyre doing
like i legitimately know for a fact i dont deserve this. people can say “thats not true you have value” bro people are not valued its nice to think they are but money is all that matters and i dont make enough of it. Im not saying my dfamily doesnt love me , they are TOO nice and caring and helpful i dont deserve it i cant even take care of myself. i want to not be this way but you cant change who you are, i have more than a decade of trying.
i am not suicidal because the reason im feeling down is because im guilty about not being enough, ending my life would make that even worse. but if i didnt have family im afraid i would retire from the planet. i really hate thinking about money 24/7 365 10billion seconds