hello, i do not typically use reddit but i've hit a bit of a rock and figured i could use some advice or comments from other people. This is a bit of a rant, but I feel like some context is necessary to understand where I am. I'm a 21 year old guy with basically no social life, and I've really never had one. I have a few friends from High School I talk to every now and then, we play games online sometimes and text here and there, and I have a very small circle of online friends with a similar dynamic, but as far as irl interactions go I've basically been completely isolated for many many years. I've also never been in a relationship or dated. For a long time I've felt very very unsatisfied with my inability to make meaningful relationships (platonic/romantic) but I convinced myself everything would sort itself out. I wasted my entire life up to college basically doing nothing but sitting around on my pc all day outside of school (never invited to stuff even by the people I did consider friends) and I had wanted to make a big change in college. I tried for a bit. Coursework got overwhelming, had very little luck actually making any friendships. Ended up back in my isolationist hole. Three years down the line, I'm going into my senior year in the same exact situation. Never invited to places, never got to hang out with people, never really got out to do anything fun. Despite spending so much time online I have very few friendships there either. Recently I decided I'm sick of it. I'm starting to feel like I'm running out of time on having these first experiences and building that social backbone. I want to change, I want to be better, I want to actually live a fulling life, I'm done pretending it's not a problem.
Here are my big problems though; as you'd expect from someone in my situation, my social skills are abysmal. I'm rarely in a position where I can talk to people anyway, but when I am, I feel like I have so little to talk about or connect on. I always show interest in the things others talk about, but it seems they quickly realize I have nothing of substance to contribute myself and grow disinterested. Secondly, as far as relationships go, I've been realizing how much of a detriment it is to start feeling "behind," in a sense. As in, most people have their big relationship screw-ups and figure out what they do/don't like during their teen years and are able to work that stuff out and be more prepared going into their later life. They know how it goes, they know what to look for, because they've already gone through the ringer on it. Unfortunately, I haven't, which means that I will definitely be fighting a very uphill battle in that department. I also have a lot of social anxiety/self-esteem issues that I've been wanting and trying to work on, because it really feels like people are able to feel the "negative vibes" or whatever when you're too down on yourself internally even if you don't make a point of it outright. Unfortunately this transitions into my last big problem and really what I want to ask about: I live in a very rural area with very little in the way of clubs or bars or anything that isn't about an hour or more away. No real hang-out spots or fun social activities near me outside of things like church (I am not religious) or groups of people 40 years my senior. Essentially, this is what I want to ask: how do I even begin fixing this? I want to put myself in uncomfortable situations and break this mental barrier, but there's really just nothing around here to do or go to. I'm so, so tired of living my life in a cycle of isolation with no one to talk to and nothing to do, but it feels like I have no course of action to even get started. For a bit of extra context, yes my college obviously has parties and stuff that go on as does any college, but I'm not privy to any of the details/locations and I only have a year left there. It's also an hour out from where I actually live, so it's not super easy for me to just hang around the area where there's a bit more stuff to do (although honestly, if I could find friends there I'd be more than willing to drive out everyday just to hang around and do fun stuff).
Any advice or commentary is appreciated.