I have always been a failure, and I have committed the biggest failure of my life
26 Year old Male here
So this actually happened 2 years back but haunts me almost everyday. Let me know how to get closure over this.
I hail from a third world country in Asia and have been average in academics all my life. I have failed in doing various professional courses 3-4 times in my life. I have cleared my undergrad but that’s it. My goal, my aim, my reason for waking up was going to do master’s at a good university abroad and make something of myself. My family took a loan to help me achieve this dream.
I had gotten the opportunity to do a master’s in CS at University of Strathclyde In Glasgow, UK. I had spent a year planning and executed everything perfectly. I moved to Glasgow from my country. It was during the covid times. I had my quarantine done at a hotel for 14 days and everything was going well. I moved to a flat to stay near the university. Everything was alright until I developed anxiety about not being able to complete the course and not being able to see my family for the next 2 years or more if I get a job. The loan part was the driving part for these fears. If I don’t clear loan I will add burden to my family.
These thoughts started racing in my head for a couple of days. Usually I trust my decision making process but I don’t know how I made the choice to return back. I emailed the university about my decision and cancelled my course. Over the next few days I didn’t regret making the choice.
Returning to India was the toughest blow for me. Before going to the UK my father had shared photos of my going to the UK amongst thousands of people. Post my return I had gotten the fees back and the financial part was alright. But for 6 months I had excruciating shame and mental pain every SINGLE day. I was crying most days
My Dad and Mom were very sad. But they supported me. I don’t know what happened to me to make the decision. I have wasted so much time chasing the dream. And when it was time to act, I wavered like a coward.
Please let me know if I have done the right thing. Please be honest