Hi all, I am a 25M who is recovering from many different traumas in his life and trying to heal to the best of my ability. I come to you in hope for an answer or tools to help me heal the wounds associated with traveling.
In the past 4 years I have greatly struggled to find the desire to travel anywhere. Be it work, college, grocery shopping, and recreational activities, I struggle hard to find the motivation to leave the house anymore.
In the past 4 years, I endured many crushing blows to my sense of safety and trust.
As we have endured, Covid was an extremely difficult time for me to deal with everything it entailed. I felt my world crumble beneath me and feared for my life on a daily basis.
In 2021, I watched my Grandma endure a slow, painful, and just plain agonizing death from renal and congestive heart failure. Her passing came after two long years, in April 2023.
I watched my Mom have to endure the brunt of this as I tried to mitigate trying to find a job, bring in severe debt, and being at rock bottom emotionally. We both had to watch as my Dad chose to abandon us emotionally and fiscally as we tried to take care of Grandma in the nursing home.
In March 2020, I broke up with my first serious girlfriend after six months together, about two weeks before the lockdowns in Ohio.
This relationship I can honestly say I didn’t want to end but felt pressured to do so from fatigue after several poorly executed intimate moments between New years and Valentine’s Day that year. They were non-sexual, just poorly handled on my part. In turn the shame caused me to feel it was necessary to break up with her.
I have tried to contact her twice to apologize and see if some kind of a relationship could be salvaged, and have been met with vicious retort as she held nothing but anger towards me.
In 2022 I was kicked out for a band I was playing bass in after 6 months due to an argument between the lead singer, lead guitarist and I. The argument was about a parking spot, but it was so much more for me. It was the lack of consideration, the passive aggressive insults, and the overall peon treatment that I had endured.
With all this on my conscious, how can I feel the desire to interact with the world again?
What tools are there that I can use to feel the desire to talk to women again?
Even the effort of driving to work puts panic in me.
Can somebody help me out?