hi i’m a big believer in the mentality of everything is so beautiful, the trees, the flowers, animals, and humanity is such an incredible thing, and it is!! I get so emotional whenever I look up at the sky because it’s just so . crazy to think about but then I put it in the context of myself, I’ve never felt good about myself. I have truly lost at Everything, and I know saying that as someone in her 20’s is dramatic but god I mean I should have Something in My life that i’m good at right? But I am nothing, honestly. I’m ugly to the point of being an alien and makeup makes me look so saturated and not real, and even so my prettiest version is another girl’s uglier version. I have lost all my friends, I treat my family so terribly, and I’m mediocre at my job that I have while still living with my mom. I cannot at all think of how to start changing but I have the worst anger issues, sadness, and I shut down if I don’t want to talk, and I’m so goddamn lazy. I know all I have to do is actually Do it, but it never works out anyways even if I put in all my fucking effort. My only goal has been moving to another state but I can’t find a job with my bachelors degree in the dumbest major I could’ve ever chose. I’m terrified I won’t find a job by the fall and if that’s the case then I have to stay in my hometown for another year and it’s making me panic. I’m a loser who’s good at nothing ike Evelyn in EEAAO but! I’m honestly thinking I might not even having a loving partner because I am destined to be alone and I’m coming to terms with this. So how do I make flowers and movies and my dog reasons for actually staying alive, because I just need something.
