Hi,
So my issues are very complex. Sometimes I can't decide if I'm a cool "rockstar", or a complete failure. Because we/I can see these situations in a very bright way as well. But I can see my life in the complete opposite way too. And sometimes I feel that it's a failure in reality, or at least not a really successful life. And I don't know what is the reality. And if its really a complete failure, then should I fix some stuff very quickly, because if not, something even worse would happen, or if everything is perfect in this way. So please help me see the situations more clearly.
Studies:
Positive:
During my university, I have achieved lot of awards, I had fame and glory, teachers praised me, I had invited to meetings with the leadership of the university, along with other 1-2 students, etc. I have received a national golden medal as well, in a competition.
Negative:
This was a pretty small university, it just entered a university state during my studies. And the other students were simply partying all time, and I focused on my studies double time, because I didn't do really anything else than learning and project works. So is it really considered as a big success?
Career:
Positive:
I have achieved a lot of my childhood dreams. I could do jobs, which I never thought I would really do. I know very few can even enter these kind of jobs remotely, and I could do remote works for places and companies I would never think I will. And I don't think I would starve at any time.
Negative:
During my whole 8 years of career, I was fired 3 times for low performance. It was shocking, I never saw these before, and I thought I did everything I could. I loved 2 jobs out of these 3. This is my biggest pain, because I felt some kind of success in my studies, and I thought my efforts will pay off. These happened while firing 1 other person as well in both places out of the 3. But still, I received that negative feedback in both places. Although I'm I really don't want to switch careers or learn something entirely different. And I feel its not arguable at all. I already thought about that, but I just can't switch. I know people who were never fired in their career. Why to be happy for a hardly-reachable job for many, if I lose that in a relatively short time?
Relationships:
Positive:
I had a happy 2 year long relationship without any arguments. I also had some shorter ones. All happened with some women I considered like top models, I loved them.
Negative:
The 2 year long could exist only because of the COVID. There wasn't any dating during that time, and when it finished, she just left me. And there's a woman, who literally hates me. I didn't know for a long time, how to react to some situations, and I tried to joke with sensitive topics, etc. I'm already over 30, and I had never have any wife or kids. I know people who could be in a relationship in their entire life. Then why to be happy about this?
So is it a success or a failure? Objectively, where can I be in my life? Am I progressing well? Am I behind most of the people? Is there anything, which is critically bad, and should be fixed ASAP, because later there will be some big issues I don't see now?