My husband, 33, needs help. We got married at 21, and there is probably many times I should have left, but here I am. We have 3 kids and 2 businesses together now.
His backstory: He has told me very little about his childhood, like just some general things. However, I have uncovered a lot more. His mom was a dope head and his step dad used to beat them. His dad an alcoholic who used to beat his mom. Rich grandparents that enabled their kids. Presents were eventually sold for drug money. I have also wondered about sexual assault because of his reaction to certain things.
I have contemplated him being narcissistic, BPD, ADHD or IED. I want him to get some kind of treatment but he goes from admitting he has an issue to denying it. I'm fed up this time. It's either he tries to, or I am going to make plans to leave.
90% of the time, he is good. He helps with kids, does household chores… like so much more involved than what I see a lot of men.He is so gentle with our son with Autism. There is no financial abuse. We have a lot of fun, and I can kid and poke at him. He supports me and my goals. To
be clear, I am not walking on eggshells 24/7.
However, he has a hard time being wrong, and in any little amount of stress he gets snappy and condescending. He name calls and cusses. He has gotten progressively worse since his mom died 2 years ago. He has lost 2 jobs for getting heated and snappy when he had previously held long term jobs. He has major communication issues where he cannot clearly instruct what he wants, and then blames it on you. He actually is very good at trying to tie everything that goes wrong back to being my fault. He has clear triggers and most of them are when things get broke or fixing them isn't going his way.
There are times where he gets really triggered and completely loses it. His eyes dilate, he gets heart palpitations, he throws stuff, he has spittle, his neck bulges, and he is screaming. In one case, he started driving erratically with me and the kids in the car. The last one, today, he throw all my clothes out of my closet and said he wanted a divorce and headbutted me in the nose. Not enough to do damage but enough to hurt. This was in response to him not communicating with me before talking to a customer and him ending up looking "looking stupid." This escalated because I did not accept responsibility, and put the blame on him. He threatened to divorce me because he is sick and tired of me saying he would take everything, and I told him I had enough evidence on him to not let that happen and he snapped. After he calmed down, he apologized, hung my clothes back up and is currently in a maybe some sort of medication would help phase. These particular "snapping episodes" happen 2 to 3 times per year. I know they are coming too because he gets progressively more snappy about a week before.
He also has severe tremors 24/7 from his neck to his leg on one side of his body. Related or not, I don't know. He self medicated with marijuana and it usually works wonders. Sometimes it doesn't though.
Ideally, I would love for him to get help and be in a stable mood 24/7. I am scared he will snap one day and do something that he is going to get in trouble for or hurt someone.
I just want opinions on what this could be and if it can be treated with medicines. I also feel like he will downplay his symptoms when he goes to the doctor, and they may not treat it correctly.