i feel like a failure. my grades in school were horrible. i come from a poor and abusive family, my childhood rarely consisted of happiness. my life sucks alot.
despite this though, i managed to get an incredible girlfriend. she was so amazing, and she was truly my soulmate. she was everything i could have ever asked for. she was beautiful, incredibly smart, and had a bright future ahead of her. i was introduced to many in her life like her friends and her family. amazing people. truly just, normal people. living amazing lives.
she was incredible. she made me feel things id never felt before. when i told her how much of a failure i felt, she told me its ok to be a failure. that sounds kinda condescending when i type it but trust me it was comforting. she said its ok that things have turned out this way. whenever i talked to her about what i want to do, and my dreams. she would be so supportive. she would be like “maybe you can!” “what do you need to do that?”, she was so sweet and she made anything feel possible. with her as my partner i finally felt normal and accepted and safe and that everything will be alright. and she just provided me with unconditional love 24/7, something i never really had.
but, she broke up with me a few months ago. because she’s starting university soon, and doesnt want to be in a relationship while she’s so busy. and its devestated me. i loved her so much, i was the best boyfriend i could possibly be for her. i want to live a nice normal life as her partner, and she agreed. we talked alot about getting married in the future. we were so in love. but she broke up with me, and says she wants to move on. but maybe in the future (like a year or so), we can rekindle. but she completely cut contact with me for now.
and ever since she’s broke up with me, her friends and family have been ignoring me too. and what little they have said to me, its been very rude.
they said that im unhealthily obsessed with her, and they’d tell me that she doesnt care about me. and that im never going to accomplish my goals in life, that my dreams are impossible. that their fortunate that they were born into a good loving prosperous family, and that since i wasnt im not going to have the same opportunities as them.
it hurts me so much that while these other people my age are able to not have to worry about money at all and can just go to university right after highschool. im going to have to spend my late teens working a shitty minimum wage job just to live. that their going to get jobs they love, and live their lives with people they genuinely like. and im probably never going to have that.
they went to a private catholic school. and im not even going to graduate regular highschool, im going to have to take the ged test. i feel like such a failure, im never going to live my life like them. like my ex girlfriend. their so prestigious and their families are so well off and they live normal loving lives. and they were being so rude to me and just putting me further down it feels so horrible.
i feel like such a failure and i cant stop crying. im never going to have the opportunities they do, or the loving families they do. or financial stability they do.
they just view me as a poor idiot who has no future ahead of him. i cant keep doing this. the only reason why i havent given up is the hope that, someday in the future me and my ex can rekindle our relationship. i miss her so much. we were truly in love with each other. more than anything. and if it wasn’t for that hope, i dont think i could do this.
but its still extremely depressing and difficult for me. every night i either at best have a horrible gut feeling about my future, or at worst i cry thinking about her. and i dont know what to do about it.