I got so frustrated today that I manged to cut myself along my neck before my other arm stopped me. It’s the closest I’ve come in a long time. Now I’m just sad I failed. My existence is nothing but constant nerve pain and overwhming depression.
I went to my doctor to ask for pain meds the other day. Took me over 3 months to work up the courage to ask due to family history of dependence issues. My doctor said she didn’t feel I needed them and that I needed to cut my hair and lose weight.
I’m so tired of this. I ask for help and get told no or that I have to wait. I’ve been waiting over two years for disability. While being barely able to walk and being in a constant state of confusion. I’m starting to lose my memory, sometimes there are just straight up holes in my memories now. And the best part is I ran out of money before I got a diagnosis so I don’t even know what’s doing this to me.
I’m tired, so very tired. I just want it to end. No more pain, no more thought just nothingness.
I know ending its not really a solution but it sure feels like one somedays. It’s so hard to see a bright side when everything is so miserable.
Thanks for coming to my rant. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Sometimes just saying things aloud helps. Or typing in this case.
Hope your days are going much better than mine and I wish you all the best.