Yo, 17M from France here.
So, a long time ago when i was around 11 or 13, i used to see a psychologist every Wednesday’s afternoon. I had trouble concentrating at school, so that was my mother’s idea. For me it felt like a big waist of time as i didn’t understand why i was there.
Fast forward to some years, at another psychologist, my mom and i where talking with her, and suddenly she asked « what is a secret that you hide from your son »?
To this day, i am convinced that she said, « i didn’t wanted him »
Now you guys need context, i am a premature born baby ( 2month ), and when my brother was seen on the « scan » off my mom’s belly, they where a little stain on the side off my brother.
That was me
The problem now is,
I am a error, a flat out error, i should not be here in the first place, i should’ve died at my birth in the hospital.
But the thing is, that i got nothing for me !
I am not attractive, not smart, i have a weird ass body, i have no strength in any domain and i am still a grown kid, that play pokemon and i make dumb mistakes all the time.
(I also stress a shit load for no reason)
While my brother (and sister), have everything
My brother is attractive, muscular, smart, and have a ton of strength in domain like cuisine.
It’s like someone put on a filter, and separate the good part and the bad part, and took all of the scraps
Also i soon finished my fucking school and i don’t know what to do next, continue or not.
My mental health is so down, since i was young, everytime i can i just say thing like « nah man i suck » or « no it was pure luck » (in french of course)
I also said, i am a stress machine, i receive a message from a school i applied, telling me to call them to finish my CV, and i stressed like a motherfucker !
(I know it’s nothing, but i just stress all the time as my mind wonder everywhere)
Btw i received the message a minute ago.
What do you think ?