Been drinking for 3 days straight, a bottle of whiskey a day. I am in deep sh\*\*
My life has been bad, ever since I was born basically. Got trauma out of my childhood.
Got Diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar about 4 years ago, can’t get through.
For once, I thought to try and push myself forward, do something to hold myself onto, buying an own apartment. Made an offer on buying what seemed to be an amazing apartment, but even those people (people who sell it and real estate) are screwing me over.
After the legal bidding that I did (which only then they share important documents in my country because of privacy law) it seems the apartment is completely damaged because of water and even has a chance of collapsing.
and it isn’t about the apartment, I need to pay 10% of the cost of the apartment when I wanna back out.
Like there goes my saving money, down the drain, I tried to save so hard to have something in life and now it will be gone, or it’s that I buy that apartment, knowing all the cost will scr\*\* me over again.
I just can’t do this anymore. I try to push forward, and I get pushed backwards so much further.
I feel so empty, lost and just nothingness.
I feel stupid and hopeless.
I just can’t. I passed my limit and I can only cry. Back to square one like years ago, and here I was thinking I was getting better. It just never gets better.
I get hope, only for it to be taken away again. I can breathe, only to get chocked twice after.
I live for my mom and cat, but once they are gone, it is goodbye for me too.
Thankfully they don’t about that.
I just can’t do more than that, just continuing for their sake and then finally be done with it.