I'm 32 years old, male. This all started when i lost my girlfriend 3 years ago.
It was my fault. We had our first ever real fight in 5 years together. And instead of just telling her i was sorry, what she meant to me etc. I was stubborn, wouldnt talk to her and pushed her away. She gave me so many chances to put things right and i made it seem like i didn't care.
Which she convinced herself i didn't. We didn't exactly break up, we weren't living together anymore but still hung out and got on. I guess i got comfortable. A few months go by, 2 weeks after my best friend passes away she told me she was with someone else, someone i used to be friends with as well.
It broke down my walls, she said she still cared about me, but she wasnt in love with me anymore and i left it to late to tell how i felt.
None of this is her fault, its mine.
3 years later, still not a day goes by where i don't think about her or miss her. I see her around sometimes. She's pregnant now. Someone else is having the life with her i always wanted.
She's the only person i've ever been with where i could say i loved everything about her, the only one i knew i wanted to have a family with and spend the rest of my life with.
I gave up believing maybe one day i'll get another shot with her, my gut tells me she's found the one, and it isn't me. My gut tells me i will never find anyone ever again that made me feel like she did. And my gut has literally never been wrong about anything.
And i can only blame me.
3 years i've lived in constant pain and regret and hating myself. She's happy, moved on and in love with someone else. I'm still here thinking about her everyday.
I'm so far gone from it i don't think i'll ever bounce back. Therapy didn't work, medication didn't work. I just want to give in and end my life. The voice in my head tells me to do it every waking second and the thought of doing it and ending the suffering is the only thing that makes me feel happy.