I was talking to this guy online and we were sharing our fantasies. I admitted that I feel guilt over my sexual fantasies and he admitted to having sexual thoughts about his brothers kids. he also admitted to being raped when he was younger so I sympathized with him a little but i was mostly weirded out and suspicious but he said he wouldn’t act on them and advised me not to act on mine as well. We kept talking for a bit and I don’t even remember what it was about. for a moment I thought “am I any better then him?” because I had bad fantasies about being a kid and bad stuff happening to me so I did sympathize with him only because of what he went through. but the fact it was specific people he could be close to threw me off but we kept talking and I figured if he doesn’t admit to anything I can’t report him. I think we had a sexuak convo after but I can’t remember.
now I’ve realized, I’ve basically condoned and was complicit with pedophilia and a person who may have done things to kids because I wanted attention. This is the worst thing anyone can do and I need to kill myself.
I’m going to find a gun and shoot myself in the head. the guilt is unbearable
I would 100 percent stop talking to him if he admitted to anything and I even considered asking him if he did so i could try and report anything he says. but i was conflicted and in a way felt I was no better then him. I know he could easily be lying but I didn’t think much about it then.
then i remember those stories about parents knowing sexual abuse is happening but don’t do anything. I basically did that in a way, because he could have easily lied to me by saying he didn’t act on it. I knew that too but didn’t immediately stop talking. I genuinely can’t remember what I said, I didn’t send nudes or say anything overly sexual we just talked about some stuff before he blocked me after I refused him nudes
I literally was complicit with possible abuse and I can’t take it anymore
I didn’t encourage any of the fantasies of what he went through and I even considered reporting him but he didn’t admit to a crime. I told myself I’m not any better because of my rape and stuff fantasies and I only kept talking to him cuz he opened up about his sexual abuse
but I am basically condoning possible sexual abuse and pedophilia by doing that.. no he didn’t admit to anything but why the fuck did I keep talking to him? I guess I felt like I had no one else or wasn’t any better then him
I want to say I’ve talked to a LOT of creeps online.. I’ve explicitly asked multiple of them if they harm children due to their kinks (which mine are similar) and they say no but still sometimes i blocked them. I was very hyper aware of doing the wrong thing and constantly scared someone was abusing kids. I would even ask innocent people if they harm kids because I was so obsessed with the idea of it and scared of children being harmed. I didn’t know how to bring it up in this situation
I need to kill myself, what I’ve done is too unforgivable
I have blocked people online after they’ve said weird things like that and I’ve blocked a guy after he said he would do stuff with teenagers. I don’t know why I didn’t immediately end the conversation, I don’t know what I said after. I don’t think I felt comfortable saying anything sexual after but I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything I said after except that I declined nudes.
I felt just as bad as him or worse because of my fantasies and I tried not to say anything judging , we just talked about childhood trauma and I talked to him about what happened to me as a kid, I think it stopped being sexual after he revealed that fantasy but I genuinely don’t remember. I Did NOT encourage his fantasy or anything he said about kids, we had a discussion about childhood trauma and what happened to him and what he thinks happened to me I don’t remember if it turned sexual after
He claims to not have acted on anything and I didn’t feel as comfortable having sexual conversations after he said that, I just wanted someone to talk to who has been through similar things, I’ve been told I condoned pedophilia by doing this and did things with a possible abuser
All I remember is talking about childhood trauma to him and him helping me through it and talking about his after, I even considered asking him if he ever abused anyone and trying to get more info out of him. If I did say anything sexual after, it wasn’t about kids or anything. I don’t remember why I thought this was okay, I remember thinking I’m not any better because of my dark fantasies