I’m from Israel, I was born here and lived here my whole life. I was always aware of the political issues of my country. I’ve experienced terror and fear my whole life, but never like this. October 7th has been the worst day of my life, and i’ve been through some awful shit but still, seeing people getting murdered on live TV and wishing I don’t know any of them personally was absolutely terrifying. For a second I actually thought that maybe this time, the world will see the conflict for what it is- complicated, miserable and bloody for both sides, because leaders on all sides are radical and insane. I was horrified to discover that even on the exact same day of the horrible massacre on innocent people, people all around the world were praising the acts. Ever since that day I’ve seen thousands of people around the world calling for my rape and murder, saying that it’s justified for resistance. Allegedly “feminist” women, turning a blind eye, or even saying that the rape of October 7th was justified. How did we get here? What could all Israelis who live here do differently? What could I, a person who was born here to a family of holocaust survivors and people who were banished from North Africa, do differently? I’ve never supported any sort of oppression, I’ve been protesting against my own government for years and before that I was a literal child. What could I possibly do to deserve living my life in fear? I feel like nowhere is safe for me because in Israel I can get stabbed on the street literally every second or have a missile fall on my house and bury me alive, and outside of Israel I can get raped or lynched just for being Jewish and Israeli. I have nowhere to go and nothing to do and if I could choose where to be born, I’d never choose Israel, so why do people keep calling for my death? For my rape? It’s all white saviourism where once again, the white people get to choose who lives and who dies. They’ve dehumanised Palestinians so much that they pity them as if they were animals in a cage, irresposible for their actions. They’ve been treating this war as if Palestine was their favorite sports team. They don’t understand that as long as they keep on picking sides of who deserve to live, they’re just contributing for terror on both sides of the conflict. The only way to actually help this conflict is to call and replace both Israeli and Palestinian leaders. I’ve been scared for my life every day for 201 days now, and people around the world have been making this so much difficult for me to heal. I seriously feel like I don’t deserve this. I just want to live a life in peace- marry my boyfriend, adopt children and live nowhere near the Middle East and this conflict, but I really feel like no where is safe, even as I’m typing this, I’m sure that I’ll get some awful comments from people who wish the worst for me.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying and thinking about the hostages. Every time I close my eyes I picture violent protests of people calling to bomb my city, kill and rape me, I can’t stop thinking about the holocaust and wonder if this is where this world is going. I’ve been planning on k\*lling myself before they get me but I truly have so much to live for. I don’t want to feel like this, I want everything to end, I want to stop being so afraid all the time but you guys online and IRL have been making this impossible. It’s as if you’ve forgotten that I’m human too. Please stop this. Please. Be better. If not for me, for your future selves who will regret being so hateful in your youths. And if you’re commenting on this, please be gentle, I’ve been called out to k\*ll myself enough, I really wish I could get some kindness for a change.