Everything seems so lost. so lonely. I don’t care how my grammar sounds anymore, in the middle of trying to look ‘grown-up’ enough for my colleagues at work who always demean me as being ‘too-childlike’, to changing my entire self to keep them and my family happy, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know who I am. I really don’t. I forgot what I like to do, I don’t sing now, I don’t dance as much, I find it so difficult to even study. I forgot who I am, I don’t even know who I am. I can’t even attempt to make a decent conversation with people, I don’t relate to anything people my age talk about. I barely contribute to any conversations with colleagues beyond work, bc I don’t know anything about lifestyle, fun, parties, gyms, influencers. I don’t know.
I am 24 and someone came to me and said, woah bro you look like you’re in your 30’s. I looked at myself and realised I don’t recognize myself anymore. I wake up, go to office, come back, clean, take care of my ill parent and sleep. I don’t recreate, I don’t innovate, I do nothing. I did everything,I changed my clothing style, my bag, my shoes, my voice note, my mindspace, left my dreams, let go of people i loved the most, I don;t know what to do. Between paying debt, struggling at work to be creative, struggling to convince my bosses and colleagues that I am not a child and literally struggle to find new changes, to being pulled out of presentation opportunities indirectly in the last minute, just being taken as a plus one to record videos on trips for work, I feel so depressed, I feel tired I feel l am not me, I don’t recognize myself, I don’t know myself