I’m a teenage autistic female who has had struggles with mental health. When i was in elementary i got bullied in kinder garden and then left and sneakly bullied by another female in another school fir the entirety of 2-7th grade. We’ll call her V. V was upset because i was friends with her friend and would make it so i couldnt talk to that friend and excluded me from games and activities. i tried to play with others but failed in doing so and would just bottle everything up after i had someone i trusted walk out of my life. from 1st to 4th grade would take my anger out on my parents and felt so bad because it wasnt their fault. i eventually stopped trying and somehow upset a disabled girl in my class before the pandemic hit. I, being the curious one i was, held my hand up to her hand drawing in class one day (she had 3 fingers on that hand) and i admit i was in the wrong there but it wasnt until after, 2 weeks later, that she got upset about it. V took that to her advantage and made my last days in person a living hell. when online school started i had grown a bad mindset and blamed myself for everything, refusing to talk to anyone, and pretended i was fine. It got worse and worse while i was going through the last bits of the hell for that school until i got to 8th grade and moved to another school but by then the damage was done. i was closed off, tired, depressed and fake… i faked happiness even with my own family as i kept beating myself down and crying myself to sleep. i eventually told my parents part of what was going on and my mental health calmed down. but now im useless. i broke my arm and im staying up, afraid of myself because my mental health is worse then before. everything hurts, i want to puke but i also want to just stay in bed. some nights i almost consider running away and standing in the road and others i just remind myself of everything bad ive done… i dont know what to do and im afraid……. i need help but im afraid to ask for it.
