I’m 20(M) and during my freshman year of high school back in 2018 I was diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety, and Depression. I’ve been on Adderall since then and back in 2021 I was put on Venlafaxine to help focus more in my depression as well. I graduated in 2022 and I feel like things have only gotten worse. I feel so alone all the time and like nobody ever cares about me, nothing I do matters at all. I’m so lonely and all my “friends” from school never talk to me anymore, some didn’t even talk to me during school. I’m just so tired of everything and I’m tired all the time, there are days I don’t want to get out of bed at all because there’s no real point and life sucks. I keep trying to make new friends but they all push me away too and I don’t know what else to do. There have been times I think about how if I just vanished one day not a single person would care and some people might actually enjoy me being gone. I’ve never been great at talking to people or opening up about my true feelings, I’ve worn a mask for so long and now I don’t feel anything but lonely and shut out even though when I’m around others I can smile and pretend I’m alright but I’m not. I’ve had times where I think about how easy it would be to just end it all but I know that’s not good, I really just wish anyone would care for me. Everytime I’ve tried opening up to my mom she instantly flips it against me and calls me ungrateful and that I owe her and then she cries and makes comments about how she’s sorry I didn’t get the mom I wanted and she just tunes me out. I know that I don’t matter to anyone and that nobody cares about me at all. I’ve been single my whole life and it’s really impacted me hard, I’ve asked girls out and all except one said no. The one girl who said yes then proceeded to stick me up and then want nothing to do with me without any reason, I thought she was my friend for a while and she was super excited I asked her out and then she never showed up and didn’t tell me why.
I don’t know why I ever bother trying to go outside to be in public. Why should I care for people when nobody cares for me? I’m just so freaking tired of everything and want it all to end. I’m far from being who people see when they look at me, truthfully inside I’m as far from happy as can be, I can’t remember when I was last actually happy. I am out of shape due to a hip surgery I had in 2022 and I haven’t had any motivation to try and get back into shape like I was before I hurt my hip back in 2019. I don’t know why people don’t seem to care about me, why do I still try to be there for others when nobody is every here for me? I just wish for once I could finally actually feel loved and cared for by someone. I constantly think about how alone I am, even when family is around I’m still lonely. I know that I’m not special and that nobody cares about me at all. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all, life sucks and every single day I never want to get out of bed. I really don’t have anything to live for and nobody to be with at all.