I’m not sure if posting this will help much, especially since my last post got no traction, but I feel like I have no place else to go. My mental health is getting worse and I don’t know what to do. Especially with the fact that everyone I talk to about this give me a feeling that they aren’t taking it all too seriously. I feel like the people in my life only see the positives in my life, that they see I am taking therapy and that I don’t need their help since, or that I seem like I’m doing well in work. But I know that me doing well is far from the case.
If I’m doing well then why do I still feel so depressed? I feel as though therapy isn’t helping one bit, and I can’t get into a doctor’s office like my therapist wants me too for me to get medication due to the fact no office where I live takes my insurance. I’m struggling so bad with anxiety as well. I thought that if I dropped college for a gap year to reevaluate my choices and work on myself would be a good thing. I mean, it did help me to get promoted at work. But now I’m even questioning if I should’ve taken it with how I feel on a day to day basis. I’m starting to have daily panic attacks at work now, and I don’t know who to turn too, especially since I can’t take a break when one happens to to being short staffed.
And then there’s the main issue that I’ve been struggling with, which is I’m struggling to find friends and people to hang out with. I did use to have a group, with my ex, but recently I found out that he lied to me about why he didn’t want to date me, which I don’t care about now, I’m over him. But it does suck loosing that social connection. Making friends in my area is hard though. Most won’t even consider it unless you drink or smoke, and I (19F) don’t. I can’t join any clubs here cause they’re all my college clubs, and my college considers me not eligible to join any as a gap year student. They see me as uninvolved, like I have to fully reapply to get out of the gap year.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t drive and I’m about 3-5 hours away from any family, so I can’t visit them, which makes me feeling lonely even worse. I do have an ESA cat, but he’ll only help so much.
I just wish that people would see or not ignore what’s really going on. I’m so used to people ignoring my cries for help or not caring that I’ve become really good at suppressing my emotions, and that isn’t good. I don’t wanna feel alone anymore.