I 22F, have been working from home for the past year. Unfortunately, I’ve had a terrible experience with people. I was bullied by classmates in school, which really messed up my life. I barely remember my school days, and honestly, I prefer not to. Even in university, things didn’t get better. People I thought were my friends never invited me when they went out with others. I realized they weren’t friends when they made me pay their bills. So, I decided it wasn’t worth hanging out with them and prefer staying at home.
Apart from my best friend, I have no friends now, and I don’t really care about making more. I’ve learned that being a good friend means you have to be a good human, and my experiences with people in school and university showed me otherwise. My job barely pays me enough, and I don’t have any passion for anything. I’m not wealthy, so my exposure has mostly been limited to academics. The only thing I’m somewhat decent at is drawing and calligraphy, but I don’t consider myself creative.
Now, I feel like a loner. I avoid going out because I see no point. I’m insecure about my appearance, and I’m not interested in following the latest fashion trends because they wouldn’t make me comfortable. I’m afraid of being around people and moving out of my home. I have childhood traumas that still affect me, and I’m struggling to figure out what to do with my life. Sometimes, I feel like the best option would be to end it all, but I’m too scared to do that.
Finding another work from home job is challenging because I don’t excel at anything, and I tend to procrastinate. It’s clear to me, from my 22 years of experience on this planet, that humans generally don’t treat me well. The only people who treat me somewhat decently are service workers, but I know they’re just doing their job.
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How can I survive in a world where people are so horrible and I feel too sensitive for it? I don’t even understand people or the world. Why is everyone the way they are, and why do we have to constantly do things that are so tiring and exhausting? I hate the concept of life.