I don’t feel normal feeling this way, why am I not over it? Is it jealousy?
When I was 14 years old I developed a crush on my teacher.
When I was in a girls school.
It’s pretty normal I thought.
A lot of the girls also had a crush on him.
I am now 23 years old and I still have resentment towards my teacher who has now become the headteacher of my former school.
During my final year at school, he made me feel like an inconvenience.
He always favourited one of my other friends, going out of his way to speak to her etc
He liked floating around the popular girls.
I remember when we had parents evening and he wouldn’t look at me because I have acne on my face.
I am now 23F and I hate seeing him around the area and I actively avoid going out because the school is close to where I live.
I feel as though I am projecting because I am not happy in my life.
I don’t have a stable job, I am unemployed. I will nowhere near make £60-100,000k. He is married with kids. So all I can think is stable relationships and having a loving family with enough money to live comfortably.
It’s been really weighing on me and how he treated me.
I don’t know if this fits CPTSD but it definitely was a turning point in my life because from then I only liked men who were already settled in their life. I started to like unavailable men because I thought I would be happy, but it only tormented me.
I always feel like an alien talking about this and how I felt very invalidated.
I then went on to have difficult relationship with everyone I met. No support network, no-one to rely on.
I feel mentally sick.
I have always struggled in my life as stated above. I am a workaholic and I do feel academic pressure to excel.
I feel like I am not good enough, no matter what I do.