I am scared of driving now to the point of having panic attacks at red lights because suddenly I feel trapped and like I'm going to need to move and won't be able to and something will happen. The dread approaching a light has been getting worse and I have never in my 15 years of driving had this happen until this year. I have been on an antipsychotic a while back way before this phobia developed and am back on it now (Risperidone) and take daily Clonazepam for anxiety but it is unfortunately not stopping this new fear. It feels like my heart will beat out of my chest until it stops. I get religious and pray to stuff I don't logically believe in when it happens because the panic is so intense. I sit and cry before driving because I know it will happen again. Once it was that the road overstimulated me and, it sounds funny but it was not it was terrifying, the sky was so big I felt like I would stop existing somehow and I derealized and had to pull over and break down.
My therapist says exposure is the only way for my nervous system to learn not to fear these things. I just feel so scared in the moment that it is a miracle to me that I even am able to make the decision to push through and drive where I need to go. The exposure doesn't seem to be helping. I feel so sad because what if this is my life and my brain now and I lose my ability to feel safe and calm in a vehicle? I just want to stop being scared and I don't understand where this came from. I am functioning by forcing my way onto the road and to my destinations but it is taking an exhausting toll and I just want a normal mind that doesn't attack me like this. I just needed to vent.