Whenever i ever hear people in school laugh I always think that they're laughing at me, Whenever some random bully raises their voice i get scared for no reason, I am so sensitive and so done from everyone, I can't stand talking to someone, I get hurt when theres little to no evidence and the only person i can talk to is my mom, About a year or two ago, I would get really lonely, And the reason why i am lonely is because i have nothing to do, The best i could have done at the time was seek attention on discord servers which is the absolute worst place to go to when you're down, I would get circlejerked by some random people and get upset about it, They are really right about me crying about it because i actually did, Fuck them, I am so fucking disgusted of myself that an ipad raised me and trust me, I HATED it, It has deteriorated my vision from 20/20 all the way to -5 diopeters, And it has helped nothing but keep me alone at my home, I jerk off everyday for 3 hours straight and barely get any sunlight, I pray and pray that my life will improve.
I am so traumatized, I can even vividly remember some of my trauma events at a really early age of 3, I remember wearing a goku cosplay at a comic con with my dad, And he has once told me that he'd go to the toilet and i'd have to sit and wait, Now now, No one kidnapped me or abused me, I live in the uae where crimes are non existent, I felt like that was one of the trauma events, And i think the reason to why i'm always jerking off is because when i was also really young i would get really unlucky and walk in my maid's or aunts rooms, And… You know what happened, I got really flabbergasted and quickly walked away shy, I feel so bad for myself, I didn't deserve this.
I have no therapists near me because i live in dubai/uae so no one gives a shit about mental health and therapy, Now tell me how am i supposed to get out of this, I live in the middle of the desert, I can't do anything.
Mods, If you're reading this i kindly ask you to approve this, I don't get why mods just keep removing my posts.