I have poor social skills and social anxiety from trauma with old friends mistreating me and making me feel worthless and it’s made me be too afraid of the feelings of happiness and enjoyment because I always feel afraid that it could go wrong or be ruined by me or something and to combat that I subconsciously stop the thing that is making me happy and go back to feeling neutral and mind of negative if that makes males sense.
I compare and reminisce old times where I didn’t have anxiety and was just high on life when I was younger (for context I’m 16 now and around a quarter of being 15 I started feeling this way) and I think “man those times were peak I’m not able to feel the same way ever again and I’m too afraid to I feel like I should just not enjoy things like that in case I ruin it” this stems from being alone and playing games and watching something I’m enjoying etc and having a good time with a friend or talking and it’s taken over my life, I feel like a old guy who thinks about the good old days and doesn’t think about the present it’s annoying.