So, for context I'm in therapy currently to figure out what my deal is. In order to reach a diagnosis I need to delve into my childhood that I don't remember much of to get to the root of my "antisocial and narcissistic tendencies". This is what my therapist told me. He suggested I ask family that does remember.
I asked my older sister and, wow is it worse than i thought. She's always been very narcissistic, and emotionally neglectful from what I do remember. I learned more though.
My sister said as a young kid, she never told us she loved us, she never hugged us, she was never there. My sister was the one changing my diapers and cooking me meals because our mother was out drinking or doing whatever. She had major anger issues, always lashed out at us. She cheated on every man she was with, always focused on herself or the men in her life instead of us. She would leave us alone for days at a time to fend for ourselves.
Thats just nuts, absolutely nuts. I'm not surprised from what I'm hearing, since she didn't really change any as I got older.. but everything makes sense now. She really messed us up.