TL:DR
I sometimes want to have trauma and am not sure why and/or if it's bad.
(this is also a venting post, not sure how to choose venting and question.)
Not sure how phrase this but sometimes I have this "wish" to experience trauma in my life to get affection/attention from it. I've read that this can be caused by neglect during childhood or witnessing things like family violence and substance abuse while young (both of which I have experienced). This has been going on for over 5 years (18y/o now). I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my family about it because they'll either ask "why didn't you tell me sooner?" or "well it's probably normal", so I just laugh it off with 1 or 2 of my closest friends. I've been told countless times by friends and family that I have unaddressed trauma that I'll need to seek help for later in life, but when they give examples I usually think that it's not drastic/impactful enough of an event to be "worthy" of the title trauma (I'm willing to go more in depth if someone wants further context). I won't go into my whole life's story or anything, just wondering if this is something I should talk to a doctor or therapist for.
Might add on to this post later, not sure.