I’m honestly ready to be done with life. I’m constantly miserable and feel awful. The only thing keeping me from ending it is that I don’t want to hurt my family or traumatize my nieces and nephews. I’ve tried for so many year to get better, do better, and be better, but I cant seem to succeed. I’ve even tried to convince myself I was better and change my outlook, and stubborn held on to that belief to the point I’ve dug myself a hole (mostly financially) trying to give myself dopamine rushes to keep myself convinced. I find my suicidal thoughts getting more and more intrusive, I honestly wish an accident would just kill me. I’ve tried multiple medicines and each one of them have made me want to kill myself more. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t find a solution and I feel like I’m losing it. I feel like a lost cause and that it’s only a matter of time before I finally end it. I’m tired of being so miserable.
