I (31F) have been on-again-off-again with therapy for about 15 years. I grew up with very emotionally immature parents, which has resulted in me being a deeply insecure, self-loathing adult. I try over and over again to get myself to be confident enough to just go ahead, live life on my own terms, open up to close relationship and not sabotage any kind of success for myself. I get to a point where I feel like I’m finally there… and then something small triggers me and I’m right back where I started. And it feels even worse to see how a lot of my peers are overcoming their struggles a lot faster and more efficiently.
I tried just about everything… Regulars therapy, group therapy, antidepressants, sports, ffs even some of the spiritual healing mumbo jumbo. 🤦♀️ Just finished a group therapy cycle and was the only one to actually end up worse than when I started. I always end up hating myself even more. There’s this voice in my head that keeps mocking me for even considering that I might be worthy of even a tiny bit of love and acceptance.
I have no hope anymore. I don’t want to feel this way for another 50+ years. I have no idea what else I could try, because even if it does help, it never lasts.